I grew up in church and heard the message of salvation my whole life between church and summer camps.  You know the one, Jesus came to save us from our sin and hell.  All we have to do is pray a prayer to ask Him to live in our hearts and we will be saved.  I prayed that prayer many times and was even baptized as a teenager.  But my heart, it never really changed deeply.  I loved God and loved Jesus.  I wanted to spend eternity with Him and wanted others to know about Him but my heart never postured in a place of obedience to Him.  In summer of 2009, at church the pastor was preaching about a 72 year old man who had led people to Christ his whole life and yet during an alter call, he went down to accept Christ himself and the pastor was confused. The man had explained that he knew how to get to Jesus and that he led others to Him but had never really surrendered himself.  He explained that he knew he had to surrender to Jesus that day as it may be the last chance he had before he passed to truly surrender to the Lord.  In that moment, I heard the voice of the Lord say "Stephanie, you know a lot about me but you have never surrendered to me."  So, that day I gave Him my life but was so confused myself because you see, I had said that prayer many times and meant it but my heart, it had never been postured in a place of Lord your way, not mine.  To surrender means to give up our ways and to bow down to His ways.  the phrase bow down can bring a lot of emotions for some, but don't you see that in bowing down to the King of Kings, that you actually get to walk in freedom?  Matthew 10:39 says Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever looses his life for my sake will find it.   I don't know about you, but I want to find it. I want to figure out what I was created for and accomplish everything the Lord has for me to accomplish. 

 In May of 2020, I went on a weekend retreat to a ministry in GA.  During a prayer session, the Lord exposed areas in my heart that needed to be dealt with.  One of those areas was unforgiveness towards someone who had deeply hurt me.  When I was finished forgiving, the prayer ministers laid hands on me and began to pray a prayer of blessing over my life.  As they did this, I felt electricity run across my brain.  What the prayer ministers did not know was that I had grown up in extreme trauma and had C-PTSD.  The Lord healed me that day.  I have not had the same emotional responses I once had when triggered.

I am free because of what Jesus did for me.  And whom the Son sets FREE is FREE indeed!  All glory goes to the King of Kings, King Jesus.

**DISCLAIMER** I am not a licensed counselor or medical provider.  I am in no way suggesting anyone stop taking medication or seeking mental health treatment.  This is my story and while there are countless others, if you are being treated for a mental health condition, please seek medical advice.